I’ve been pretty quiet the past couple of months. There’s been a lot of personal turmoil going on with my weight loss efforts that put me in a hole I’ve been struggling to get out of. What I’ve been keeping quiet about was the Baltimore Half Marathon coming up. I never really got to train for it like I had planned and a month ago I decided I wasn’t going to do it.
I think deep down inside I knew that as it got closer to race day it would be harder and harder to quit. So, of course, a week before race day I decided that even if I had to walk the entire thing, on October 15th I would be participating in my first half marathon.
5 days from now I’ll be waking up, pulling on my sneakers, and heading out the door to complete my first half marathon. For me, it’s more than just a half marathon. It’s a slap in the face to bring me back to the reality that I’m not done losing weight yet. I have a long way to go before I get to a comfortable weight.
It’s time to see what I’m made of. Conventional? No. Smart? Not really. Inspirational? For me, yes. It’s time to become my own inspiration.
SW: 354.6 Current Weight: 263.6 Weekly Change: - 1.4 lbs I made some good changes this week. Rather than eating the cheaper, less-healthy options at work (Applebee’s), I spent a couple extra dollars and made the healthier Weight Watcher’s option. It clearly paid off. Less bad snacking this week and began to reintroduce more fruit into my diet.
Week 73: 265
Total Loss: -91 lbs
SW: 354.6 Current Weight: 265 Weekly Change: +4.4 lbs Talk about a slap in the face. It’s very possible that a lot of this is just a fluke brought on by the fact that I drank the night before a weigh in which I never do, but whether or not that’s the case, I need to get back in fighting shape this week.
Week 71: 260.6
Total Loss: -89.6 lbs
SW: 354.6 Current Weight: 260.6 Weekly Change: -1.4 lbs Sorry it took so long to update. I was in DC all weekend away from my computer. I did weigh in this week and it was a pleasant surprise. Despite a labor day weekend full of drinking and bad decisions I lost 1.4 lbs this week. This puts me at -94 lost. It’s definitely not where I’d like to be, but I’ll take it. Weight Watchers is doing their annual “Lose For Good” campaign again. There’s 6 weeks left. Last year I donated 45 lbs of canned goods to the local food shelter in honor of the 45 lbs I had lost up to that point. This year I’d like to donate 100 lbs of food in honor of the 100 lbs I’ve lost. Which means, I have 6 weeks to lose 6 lbs and be back at 100 lbs lost AND I have 6 weeks to collect 100 lbs of canned food. If anybody is interested in donating and would like to send me some canned food, send me a message.
Week 69: 262
Total Loss: -94 lbs
I tried the new Skinnylicious menu at Cheesecake Factory on Tuesday. It’s worth going in just to watch the servers attempt not to crack up every time they say “Skinnylicious”. I tried one of the items that didn’t actually have “Skinnylicious” in the name, the White Chicken Chili. It was pretty filling and delicious.
My Dad got the chicken soft tacos which looked very good and he said they were great. One thing noticeably absent was any cheese on the soft tacos, but he said it wasn’t missed.
My Dad’s friend ordered the “Skinnylicious” Burger which was noticeably smaller than any other burger on the menu and came with a side salad instead of fries. He said it was more than enough food though. All of these items for less than 600 calories. From a place known for it’s 1000 calorie dishes, you could make a much worse choice.
It was a bit odd though that they have everything listed as being “under [insert #] calories” but didn’t list the individual calories for each dish. I can only assume all the items under 590 calories have 589 calories.
It’s no secret that I haven’t been losing much weight since May. As much as I’d like to say that my body just wont let me lose weight, we all know that would be completely moronic. What I have kept a secret is that this past month I’ve gained back some of the weight I’ve lost. I’d like to say that it’s only a couple lbs, but based on what my home scale says, it’s more like 10. I was only able to maintain my 100 lb goal for a week.
So, here’s a little catch up on my weight. The last time I posted a weigh in was August 9th. I gained 0.4 lbs. The following week was the first time I ever missed a weigh in. My 67th week on this journey. The week after that I gained 6 lbs. It was no surprise as I typically weigh myself at home. I didn’t post my weigh in. The next week I gained 0.2 lbs. I didn’t post my weigh in. This past week I didn’t weigh in. I could say that it was because I was out of town this weekend and there were no Weight Watchers nearby, which is true, but I could have weighed in Friday morning. I didn’t.
July 25th I stopped actively posting on a regular basis. I had given up. My eating was out of control and I no longer felt the desire to post. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I had thrown in the towel. This past week I tried on my size 44 jeans. They were incredibly tight. They zipped up, but I felt choked by them. I didn’t blog about it because I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was no longer maintaining my loss, I was gaining. It wasn’t just a number on a scale anymore.
It’s important that I address something that happened on August 18th. I wrote a post that seemed to stir a lot of emotions in people. I said that the community I had depended on and relied on had died. Most everybody came to the defense of the community. Few people recognized it as a cry for help from me. It’s very easy to support people when they are being successful, it’s very hard to recognize when somebody needs your help the most. I know that I have not been the best when it comes to supporting people back on tumblr. I think it just all became a bit too overwhelming for me. To have received so much support when I started this blog and to have seen it die off when I needed it the most upset me. I lashed out. I recognize that what I did was nothing more than another excuse. An excuse I could use for abandoning my blog other than the fact that I was scared to post the truth. I needed help.
There’s been a lot of things going on in my life since July. A lot of people don’t realize that for a large part of my weight loss my social life, with the exception of a couple people was essentially non-existent. I used this blog as a substitute. A way to connect to people that I wasn’t experiencing in my everyday life. In July I joined an adult kickball team. The friends that I have made on this team are a welcome addition to my life. I truly cant remember the last time I’ve had so much fun with such an amazing group of people. Unfortunately, it also reminded me of a sad truth. While most of these people have jobs and live on their own, I still live at home and I work as a server at Applebee’s making very little income. It saddens me that these people who make me so happy also remind me of a sad truth. At the moment I feel trapped in a life going nowhere. This depressed me and I believe it pushed me to a breaking point. It seemed like my weight didn’t matter if I was trapped doing nothing with my life.
The past couple weeks I’ve committed to something I’ve been thinking of doing for a long time. I’m currently looking into going back to school to get my Master’s Degree in the Fall of 2012. Though it disappoints me to have to wait almost an entire year to move my life forward, I cant let my current situation derail the other goals I have. It’s time to get back on the wagon. I need to recommit to my weight loss. I need to recommit to this blog, the good and the bad. It seems like I need this blog now more than ever.
While I don’t believe going back to school is going to be a magical cure, it’s a step in the right direction. At the same time, recommitting to this blog is not going to magically make me lose 10 lbs. I’m going to have to work extremely hard. It’s time. My break is over. Weight Loss Journey 2.0 begins today.
I have some sad news to deliver, The FITBLR Community is dead.
If you haven’t realized in the past several months the Fitblr Community has been on life support. Blogs have been abandoned, people have gone missing. Your ask box has been empty, a layer of dust growing thicker everyday.
When I joined tumblr this past December it was only meant to be a different medium for my weekly posts about my weight loss. A way for me to keep my friends and family up to date on my progress. What I found instead was something magical. a community I never knew existed. The Fitblr Community. People from all over the world coming together to support and encourage each other in a battle worth fighting for. A battle for us all to become healthier and better people. I found so many friends who knew exactly what I was going through. The support from these people which was never even something I was looking for became invaluable. Every week I’d get so much encouragement in the form of likes, replies, and asks. It truly was magical.
And we knew how to have fun too! Whether it was lip sync videos or doing crazy things to raise money for a good cause. There was something there that I could count on every week when times got difficult. I had people to hold me accountable. Which is strange to think about people you’ve never met holding you accountable for your weight loss. But then I actually met some other fitblrs in real life. If you’ve never done that it’s difficult to explain, but it’s like reuniting with an old friend that you’ve never actually met before.
In fact, it’s those real life meet ups that kept me on tumblr when I noticed everything magical starting to fade away. People don’t support one another the same way they used to. This may sound completely self-absorbed, but when I first joined tumblr and somebody hit 100 lbs lost that post got re-blogged so many times that it was impossible to miss on your dashboard. A month ago when I hit 100 lbs lost, it got re-blogged less than 10 times. I received less than 5 messages in my ask-box congratulating me on my success. What I expected to be balloons and confetti raining down from the ceiling was more like a balloon popping. What I had refused to accept slapped me in the face and became impossible to ignore… the fitblr community no longer existed. My support system was gone.
I know many people will come to the defense of the beloved community and say “it’s just slow because it’s the summer.” I don’t believe that’s true though. Even if there is a huge influx of people returning to tumblr in the next few weeks, it wont ever be the same. I truly believe that those first 6 months of being on tumblr were it and I wish I had appreciated it more at the time.
Perhaps I’m just bitter because the Fitblr Convention I worked so hard on was killed by lack of attendance, or the fact that only 2 people submitted videos for the most recent Fitblr Lip Sync, or maybe I’m just disappointed that my 100 lb milestone lacked excitement. Maybe I just missed the memo and the community, like a traveling circus, moved on and left me behind. Or maybe people felt they didn’t need the fitblr community anymore and it slowly died.
So, what does that mean for me and my blog? Will I too move on and abandon The Active Artist, a time capsule and record of 6 months of my life? No. I’ll still continue to use my blog as it was originally intended to be. A record of my weight loss progress, meant to keep my friends and family aware of my success. I’ll still post NSV’s and experiences every now and then. I’ll also continue to use tumblr as a way of staying in contact with some great friends I made. But will it be the same? No, it wont be. And I’ve come to terms with that.
R.I.P Fitblr Community
You will be missed…
EDIT: As I said above, I expect a lot of people to come to the defense of the community. Not surprising. But you’ll be hard pressed to convince me that the community is still alive.
Whole Wide World (Wreckless Eric Cover)
The Postelles
Music Monday: My new favorite band “The Postelles”. Whole Wide World (Wreckless Eric Cover). This is off their Summer Cover Album. It’s free on their website. You definitely have to go download their entire album as well. They are pretty amazing. Their original music is even better!
I did not weigh in yesterday. I ended up spending the night in VA on Friday and due to construction on the Metro, I did not make it back to MD in time to weigh in before going to work.
After 66 weeks of never missing a weigh in I was pretty upset about it. Even when I would go out of town I still made it to a meeting. In my book there were no excuses. But yesterday came and went and my world did not crumble around me.
A lot of people suggested I just go to a meeting today (Sunday), but unfortunately Weight Watchers only allows you to weigh in officially once a week. Their week begins on Sunday, which means I would be unable to weigh in next Saturday.
So, unfortunately this means my streak is over. I was hoping to make it to 100 weeks. I learned something important yesterday by missing a weigh in. Life will get in the way sometimes and there’s nothing you can do about it. However, that doesn’t mean that you should stop what you’re doing. Just keep making the right choices. Missing a weigh in is not the end of the world.
SW: 354.6 CW: 255.8 Weekly Change: + 0.4 lbs Sorry it took so long to post this. I had a VERY busy and fun-filled weekend with Alicia and Amanda. I had a small gain, but nothing to be concerned about. I am however concerned about my foot. I noticed a bump on the top of my right foot Sunday night and it hurts. I’m going to see the doctor in a few hours. Hopefully it’s nothing.
Week 65: 255.4
Total Loss: -98.8 lbs
